on being missed.

people often take pride in how dependent their workplace is on them.

“they can’t fire me. nothing runs without me.”

that’s not something to be proud of.

if everything you’ve worked on stops functioning the moment you stop showing up, you haven’t done a good job.

maybe you haven’t documented things properly. maybe you’ve kept everything in your head. maybe you haven’t automated what could be automated, taught someone else how to do it, or put a system in place that allows things to run without you.

and this isn’t just about engineering. whatever your work is, part of doing it well is making sure it doesn’t need you standing over it forever.

ideally, someone else should be able to step in. understand what’s going on. pick things up and keep moving.

of course you want a company to miss you when you’re gone. but what do you want them to miss?

“nothing works anymore and nobody knows how to fix it” isn’t a compliment. they’re frustrated. you’ve left them with a problem.

what i’d want to hear is: “everything this person worked on still runs beautifully. but we have all these other problems, and i wish they were here to help us solve them.”

that’s worth being proud of.

the work you did holds up. the people you worked with can carry it forward. and they want you around because they know how much more you could do together.

you solve shit. you make things better. and they stay better after you leave.

i think this extends to relationships as well.

obviously, people need each other. there’s nothing wrong with that. but there’s a difference between being there for someone and taking pride in the fact that they can’t function without you.

you want the people around you to be capable. to grow. to trust themselves. you should be happy when something you helped them with becomes something they can handle on their own.

they can be perfectly capable of living their lives and still miss having you in them. your company. your perspective. the things you figure out together. how much better life feels with you around.

and there’s a selfish reason to want this too.

when everything depends on you, you can’t step away.

you can’t take a proper break. you can’t move on to something else. every problem comes back to you, because you’ve made yourself the only person who can deal with it.

what initially felt like importance starts to feel like being trapped.

they’re frustrated when you’re unavailable. you’re frustrated that they always need you. eventually, you resent the very dependence you were so proud of creating.

and while you’re busy keeping the same things running, you have less room to grow. to learn something new. to solve the next problem. everyone stays stuck.

so build things that work without you. share what you know. help people get to the point where they don’t need your help with that thing anymore.

then go find something else worth solving.

give people a better reason to miss you.